I recently turned 39 and I guess I am supposed to feel badly about getting older.
For the most part, I don’t.
However, once in awhile shame creeps in. Shame for what? Getting older?
Maybe I shouldn’t wear that. Or do that. Or maybe I should get Botox.
And then I remember this is just my conditioning. And I get to choose what thoughts I want to believe. I get to choose to believe that getting older isn’t a bad thing. And I get to question the systems that tell us it is.
That's not to say that there isn't shit I dislike about it (hello aches n pains), trust me, there's stuff. But in general I hate the notion that we should hide our age or pretend to be younger or feel shame about the inevitable.
Getting older is a fucking privilege that many people are not afforded. And frankly, I'm a little sick of the narrative that it's a bad thing.
So, in an attempt to counter that narrative and the one that says women shouldn't get older and our value is tied to our youthfulness, attractiveness, and fertility, I thought I would share a few of the things I have loved about getting older:
1. Less Fucks
Oh man. I love that every passing year/month/week/day, I have less fucks to give. I care less about what people think of me or if they're upset with me or if they like me and more about what I think of me. I wear what I want. I eat what I want. I make choices that people don't approve of or don't make sense to people. I say stuff that might piss people off. I increasingly have less and less energy to give any fucks and it is so.damn.freeing. It’s like some kind of superpower that I just want to tap more and more into. I can't wait to see how few fucks I give by the time I am 70.
2. I Know Myself & My Needs Better
I continually get to know myself, what I need, what I like, and what I want more with each passing year. I have much more clarity and much less time and energy to spend on things I don’t need or want. I feel like my vision on what I want continues to sharpen and I go after it with more assuredness and tenacity than ever before. And even better, is that I am not only getting better at identifying what I need and want but also at ASKING for what I need and want. It's not perfect by any means, but it is a major fucking game changer.
3. I'm More Accepting of My Body
And of myself in general. I spend a lot less time fixating on minor things, can roll with changes easier and am able to look at myself with far more compassion and love. I appreciate my body for what it allows me to do and experience (including pleasure) and understand the preciousness of this like never before. I know my body better and feel more connected to it than I ever have before.
4. Sex Continues to Get Better
This is obvi related to point #2 and #3 but damn does sex continue to get better!! I continue to prioritize the exploration of my own body and pleasure and I guess it is paying off ;)
5. I Guard My Time & Energy
I am far more selective about who gets my time and energy, and how willing I am to expend it. I’m less willing to spend time with people to be nice or because they expect me to and I’m really assessing what people bring to the table before I am willing to give my time and energy. I recognize the value and finiteness of these resources and am starting to live accordingly.
6. Wisdom
I’ve been around awhile. I’ve been through some shit and I’ve learned some things. I don’t get mad about the same petty stuff (at least not as much or as often). I’ve learned from my mistakes. I know life is both beautiful and painful and I am open to experiencing it all. To me, this is one of the best gifts of getting older.
7. I Trust Myself More
Because I’ve been around and gone through some stuff, I have proven to myself that I can, in fact, do hard things. I can figure it out. I can trust my own decisions more. I can listen to and trust my own intuition more. I know things. And no matter what happens I will show up for myself. I will do my best to be kind and gentle with myself and that makes taking risks or going through hard times, a lot easier.
Probably not exhaustive but it’s just about time for my afternoon bridge game and nap.
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